VOL I, issue iii

I want a guitar I can fuck. A guitar with an inflatable body with a vaginal socket with which coitus can be acheived whilst playing. I've tried sticking my dick in the sound hole, but it just getts in the way of the strings with its massive girth. You don't want to come in there, either. Leaves an unsightly build-up. Just not recommended by the folks at Martin, either.

Mr. Nik definitely got the worst of the last rubber band war. He did actually go for the head shot, which certainly earned some balls points, but I landed way more lethal shots to the chest cavity and groin. Good, spirited combat with lots of lingering welts. You haven't lived 'til you've been on the receiving end of a rubber band shot from the muzzle of a truly inspired rubber band marksman. Fucker. Ha!

The Pisstaker spends far too much time brushing His teeth and washing dishes. The Pisstaker is going to begin hurling His dirty dishes through the evil neighbor's window. He is going to let His mouth fester and stink. Then he's going to get even drunker.

This week's award! Hurrah for this week's award! It is a very special award this week. It is a "joint" award. This week's award goes to...wait for it...All the motherfuckers in Jackson who complain about snow! Fuck y'all, seriously. Anyone who doesn't like snow and lives in Jackson has , by definition, some major fuckin issues. Take this ball and run with it, Gump, cause y'all sure deserve it more than anyone ever did.

They say we're all actors. They say we're all acting, all the time. But I'm acting differently.

If you haven't already, you shits and cunts, you must try the Samuel Adams Noble Pils. They really nailed this one. washes down the $11 bourbon very nicely indeed.

If anyone in this town knows where to score bulk heroin, please contact The Pisstaker discreetly.

There is no order .

When the piss bubblres burst, they make ripples in the toilet water.

0 please, just don't hurt the guitars.

Why does it stop? but The Pisstaker digresses....

Ah, another martini night. Not quite two in a row, but about s close as can be. Mhph.

OK, looks like The Pisstaker is obliged to "wing it", (so He is told). The notes have been misplaced. Mhph.

The storm clouds gather on the easternhorizon. An erstwhile copilot descends upon Jackson. Saints preserve us, saints preserve us. Stand by for further details.

Why are there no decent fucking drugs in this town (outside of the herb, which is amazing)? All one hears is how much opia Afghanistan is pumping into the market. Yeah? Where's fucking mine? Fuckers. It's all them fucking Russians hoogging it all. Fuckers. Mhph.

OK, this week's award. Goes to...wait for it...The Ski Prophet. Yes, tis despicable shitheel implied that skiers can't act. (Or was it that actors can't ski?) Shitheel.

OK, form up on your wingman and carry on.

Vol I, issue ia

Oh, and drugs. Really good drugs. Nothing is better than really goood drugs. Like alcohol. Or heroin. Alcohol is probabkly my favorite really goood drug.

Love,

The Pisstaker

Vol I, issue i

Maxwell's back in school again. Rose and Valerie say he must go free.

Gosh there's just nithing beter than torturing babies. torturing babies and sucking cock. Just LOVE it! The o ly thing I like better than torturing babies is sucking cock.

The Pisstaker is in a Writing Class. Yes, The Pisstaker k owws, the mind reeels. So many targets, so little time. Shit eaters.

Fuck the Africans. They think they're so suave, but they've never made any sit-coms or graphiks.b. They suck they are no good and nonb-Afrikaans should kill them. WhaahH! !

Dirty looks come fromcats. Cats are aliens. They brillant`.

Beer has ahd spices in it for millennia. It's like gin. A gift from the swamp krauts. just drink it.

Hre's to The Pisstaker's wonderful cat, Mr. Smeezos, of the Çepniz, marvelous Jo-Jo Kitty.

This week's Award: to Michael Cudahy, for utterly addling The Pisstaker's brain with 'Missives from the Past'.

Snooker is an impossibly British game. Easy to understand, ridiculously difficult to play.

Now I pull ski boot-mutated toenails off of my foot. Oh gods, The Stink! My poor toes have suffered at the expense of ski boots for 42 years. This all happened in a lucid dream.

Please, shit in my mouth. I have enjoyed so much shit in my mouth during the cousre of my Life. Please, just give me MORE. Mouth-shitters. Asshole suckers. You'll never have a guitar like mine! You'll never have a Martin D-28 loike mine, or be able to play it like I can. Ha-ha!

I love it all, terrifying as it is.

- The Pisstaker

Coming Soon

The Pisstaker is dead.

Long live The Pisstaker!